In America, every holiday shares one cherished tradition: Spending money. Whether it’s Christmas presents, Halloween candy, or a catered Thanksgiving meal, every holiday has at least something that will “grace” your credit card statement the following month. Much of this spending falls on women as homemakers or nurturers. Nearly half of women (49%) buy holiday gifts for others, compared with 41% of men. But there is one holiday that serves as something of an an equalizer: Valentine’s Day. Few other holidays have such a well-defined set of prescribed gifts: flowers, chocolate, jewelry, greeting cards. Iit’s the only holiday where men outspend women, and spend they do. Americans “invest” $25.8 billion in Valentine’s Day treats, evenings out, etc.
Do Men Outspend Women on Valentine’s Day Gifts?
The data says yes. A 2024 Valentine’s Day spending survey via WalletHub illustrates that Women are 33% more likely than men to spend nothing, while men are twice as likely to spend over $100. Men spent almost twice what women did. Somewhat concerningly, 27% of Americans plan to go into credit card debt for Valentine’s Day, but 41% of that group plan to hide it from their significant other. The same survey found that people found financial irresponsibility as unattractive as bad breath, so…maybe don’t do that?
But people do, and the gendered pressure to gift often gets forgotten until the last minute. “Men definitely outspend women on Valentine’s Day, especially with last minute orders: our sales triple. Men seem to not worry about the cost when it is last-minute, and will take whatever we can offer quickly,” said Jillian Campbell, a florist who runs Blossoms by Jillian. Similarly, in 2024 Valentine’s Day spending on jewelry (a gift almost exclusively for women on Valentine’s Day) hit a record high of $6.4 billion.
So…Why?
“Women control something like 80% of consumer spending. They’re the ones who are buying for ‘The Household,’ so, women are the default people who know enough about the home to buy presents,” Annahid Samiljan, a financial advisor who often helps people understand why they gravitate towards the large purchases they do, said. She pointed to “Santa for Someone” by Jennifer Hudson, an R&B song about going into credit card debt for Christmas gifts, as an example of how ingrained this idea is.
“Valentine’s Day is basically the only day that’s specifically a gift for women. All of the other holidays are for ‘the family.’” Samiljan said. “Men’s gifts for themselves are often not coded as luxury spending the way women’s expenses are—if a guy goes out and buys a $400 cut of meat for smoking, that is seen very differently than a woman buying a $400 handbag. She’s being vain, he’s ‘experimenting with his craft,’” Samiljan said.
Last minute or uninspired Valentine’s Day gifting from men isn’t just a modern phenomenon. In 1797, a British publisher released A Young Man’s Valentine’s Writer, which had pre-written love poems for the poor lad who couldn’t come up with his own. Yikes. The modern version of this might be using ChatGPT to write a love poem. Pro tip: don’t.
At the end of the day, both women and men want gifts that make them feel appreciated. If you’re reading this, just go out and ask your partner what she wants. Sometimes, a one-of-a-kind handwritten card is the best route, but other times, women really do want a bouquet of flowers and diamond earrings. Like many conversations around gender disparities, this one requires bearing in mind that men and women are both, in fact, just complex human beings with varying desires and a need for affirmation and positive feedback.
Story by Emma Riva
Photo by Becca Tapert
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