Just because you have “empty nest syndrome” doesn’t mean your life has to feel empty! Empty nest syndrome refers to the grief you might feel when your children have fully moved away for college—the house you raised them in is now empty, and it can be a period of intense confusion. Even if you might be happy to have some space, there’s a huge change in your lifestyle once your children start their own adult lives.
It can be hard to make the adjustment. A mother from the Winchester-Thurston School in Pittsburgh said of her experience as an empty nester that “the biggest challenge is suddenly having all of this extra time. This is not necessarily a bad thing, but it’s kind of overwhelming and confusing!” The newness can definitely be scary. But, luckily, we put together these tips for making the most of this new phase of life.
Take a Class
Your local university most likely offers auditing or adult education. There are also plenty of opportunities for lifelong learning at community centers, arts education programs, or even gyms. A good place to start is with your own interests. Think about what you might be interested in that you didn’t have time for while raising your kids. Empty nester syndrome makes space for some of those opportunities to blossom. Wanted to learn Italian? Now you can. Always wanted to try embroidery? Find a class at your local craft center. Confused about what crossfit is but want to stay in shape? Your gym has a group class. A father from Horace Mann School in New York told TABLE that after both his children moved away for college, he went to a music camp for adults where he could pursue his interest in playing classic rock.
You can also see the empty nester syndrome period as a time to focus on new career goals and expanding your skillset. Harvard Business Review recommends to “Begin thinking about this transition five years out. Let your mind wander; what could your life look like without kids at home?” They offer an exercise: “Once a week, go to a coffee shop with only paper and a pen. Brainstorm possibilities for your future self.”
Make Time for Date Night
Now that it’s just you and your partner in the house, it’s a great time to explore your relationship outside of being parents. What did you used to do that you stopped once you had kids? Which restaurants did you avoid with a picky teenager or an unruly toddler on your hands?
If ideas for mid-life dating don’t flow easily, consider recreating your first date, going out on a picnic, watching the sunrise together, or simply taking a moment to hold hands while out together for a touch of romance. Empty Nest Blessed has a whopping 68 other suggestions. Also consider doing the class suggestions above with a partner!
Get a Pet
If you really miss taking care of the kids, consider getting a pet. A dog, cat, or even fish could be a new way to channel that nurturing energy and bring a new member into your family.
AARP published a guide of the best dog breeds for empty nesters to consider, including the cuddly Cavalier, the playful Schnauzer, and the sensitive greyhound. If you decide not to adopt, volunteering at a shelter can be a great way to connect with animals and your community. Animals offer unconditional love and can help you through this period of adjustment.
Be Social
The father from New York said his secret to combatting loneliness was to “entertain more at home.” Without the kids, you have time to have friends over for wine night or a nice dinner. Perhaps take the opportunity to go all out and throw a big dinner party.
You also gather (or find) your people in other ways, whether through a faith community, a hobby, or your workplace. Think about when you were in your twenties and meeting people was a huge part of your life. Now you get to do that again, but with a little bit less of the existential of the uncertainty of youth!
Try A New Recipe
For that social night, think about what you could make. The mother from Pittsburgh said she wants to “go back to doing what I did before I had kids: reading books, cooking the food I like, taking classes, etc.” Cooking food you like, without any consideration for anyone but yourself and your partner, can be a great way to reconnect with yourself during the empty nester syndrome period.
Try something like a Boozy Fudgesicle, which harkens back to childhood interest in dessert. Before you were a parent, you were a kid, too! Or experiment with new takes on classics like Stanley Tucci’s recipes that can give you a sense of an elevated, worldly lifestyle in your own home. Why not shop for some cookbooks? Or ditch the cooking entirely, go out to eat, and sit at the bar, just the two of you. Being an empty nester can mean more spontaneous!
Story by Emma Riva / Photo courtesy of Unsplash
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